•
Why did you write this book?
I
realized I was feeling better, not grieving my loss as much. I had been able
to love Sally and let her go. I thought about my stages of grieving and came
to see more than the five stages that Kubler-Ross identifies as the process,
which one goes through when someone close to you dies. I realized there is
more to these five stages and actually more stages to deal with when the
person you lost is still alive.
The
loss we feel when we have been the one who is left is compounded by one
realization — that we have been rejected. This is a very hard blow to our
egos, and there are just a ton of feelings generated around that. There are
also dangerous behavioral patterns that may block our dealing with all these
feelings effectively.
As
I looked at my own process of getting through my grief, I felt successful in
and very positive about getting on with my life, and it was this sensing that
made me feel I might have a message that would help others get through the
grieving of their loss.
•
What are three things you want your readers to know?
1.
Grieving
is a process.
There is a movement from beginning to end of grieving, and it is possible to
find yourself in that continuum of where you are in your own grieving process.
It is also possible to direct your movement toward completion of the grieving
process by taking certain steps.
2.
You
must let go of all the blame.
If you still blame yourself, you have to let go. You will understand your
anger and see that you have been hurt. When you deal with your hurt, your
anger will dissipate.
3.
You
must take responsibility for your choices or
lack of, for your behavior or lack of, and for your outcomes or lack of.
•
What would you like to have readers take away from this book?
I
would like readers to commit to their own recovery process — to really use
this book. I would like readers to feel and say, “This book really helped
me.” I would like them to come away from reading this book and see that they
don’t have to be a victim, really to see that love is the only way to let go
and to move freely.
•
Your book is very optimistic. What would you say to the population of folks that
may tend to be a bit pessimistic if not down right skeptical?
First
of all, I’d say, “Good Luck” because they are going to need all the
breaks they can get or make for themselves. You see the problem that
pessimists have is they expect the worst to happen, and that prophecy becomes
self-fulfilling. I’d also want to say, “Give optimism a chance.” This
shows faith in yourself and faith in the goodness of other people.
•
Would you elaborate on your ideas about forgiveness.
There
is no value in not forgiving. If I haven’t forgiven, it means I am holding
this person responsible for hurting me, and I’m letting that hurt just
fester and fester, making myself the “victim.” We don’t have to forget;
we don’t have to like what happened, or even the way we were treated. But,
we can let that all go. I mean, who cares really? Just let it go.
•
What would you ask readers to commit to if they want to move through the grieving
process?
To
take responsibility to choose the healing paths outlined in this book.
To
act in their own best interests, which is love.
To
incorporate the principles of this book into their belief systems and to get
on their own best healing path.
